I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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