In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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