I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
