im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
