I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
