oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
