Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
