Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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