Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drake has all the answers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
