He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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