you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
