So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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