Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
