i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
