fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
