I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
