apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
