I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
