It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
God, I missed his penis.
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