i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
