My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
