so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Randomize
