that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
