I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
