Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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