i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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