Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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