God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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