I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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