i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are my feet made of real feet?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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