I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
