So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Terrible idea I love it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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