maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
