Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
