So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
