don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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