I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
