end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
