My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't put those talents on a resume
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
