The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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