swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
