I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
