I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
