One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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