I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
