i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
