Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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