I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
