I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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