Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
