I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
