Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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