kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
